Hannah

 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For these light and momentary troubles are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

As I begin this blog entry I don’t quite have the words to express what I’m feeling. Honestly, I feel as if my heart has been broken. The Emergency Medicine physician at Tenwek, Dr. Kelly, shared a very personal story with us this morning during morning devotionals. He and his wife, Stephanie, along with their four children came to Tenwek fourteen months ago. They had felt called into missions for many years, but as they were preparing for Kenya, they both also felt that God was telling them that one of their children would die in Africa. They were not sure what to do about this feeling, and actually didn't even talk to each other about it. In the end they felt very strongly called to Tenwek and God gave them peace about this decision. Six weeks after arriving at Tenwek, their daughter, Hannah, became quite ill. She was vomiting a lot, eventually requiring NG tube placement and IV fluids. She continued to decline and about two weeks into her illness, she suddenly stopped breathing and had no pulse. Dr. Kelly himself described picking up her limp body and starting CPR. He and the only pediatrician at Tenwek carried her from their home to the Casualty department where Dr. Kelly was forced to intubate his one-year old baby girl. They continued to code her when she began to have seizures. It turns out that Hannah had a large medulloblastoma that had caused an obstructive hydrocephalus (the brain ventricles were blocked and could not drain so cerebrospinal fluid was building up in the brain causing increased pressure and shifts in the brain). She was taken to another hospital where there was a pediatric neurosurgeon for operative resection, but she did not recovery brain function or activity and Mr. and Mrs. Kelly were forced to withdraw care on Hannah.

Dr. Kelly shared this very personal story and accounted the horrors of those days. But he also recounts how God has introduced him to parents and families, both in the U.S. and here in Kenya, that are suffering from similar losses. Dr. Kelly has been able to share the gospel of Christ with these families and provide comfort to them in a way that no one who has not gone through this experience possibly could. At home in the U.S. losing a child is rare, but here it is a common occurrence. He reminded us that our ultimate purpose is to glorify God and to sacrifice our lives in order to bring God glory. Dr. Kelly admits that he would give anything to have his daughter back. He was holding back tears as he told us this story. But he also recognizes that our lives are not our own, they are God’s. The Lord has created us in His image in order to bring Him glory.

Over the past two weeks I feel that God has impressed on my heart the idea of radical abandonment; releasing my hold on the treasures in my life and sacrificing them to the Lord in order that He might be glorified and that I might experience his abundant love and blessings. This morning God challenged me to be willing to not only give up material possessions, but to be willing to give up relationships, family, jobs, and more in order to spread His word and glorify Him. I have been wrestling with the call to missions in my life for some time now. Since arriving at Tenwek I have been trying to discern whether or not God is calling me into the mission field as a long-term missionary or short-term. I can’t say that I have that figured out quite yet, but I can say that this morning God clearly spoke to me and told me that whatever I am holding on to at home, I need to surrender. I’m scared to ask God to take my life and use it completely for His purpose. I’m afraid of what that might mean giving up. But God has promised to be ever faithful and the blessings that we will reap from surrendering our life to Him will be so much greater than the blessings that we might enjoy without that abandonment.

God has also promised us His Holy Spirit to sustain us, empower us, teach us, and guide us. John 14:25-27 says, “I have said these things to you while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubles, and do not let them be afraid”.

I had planned to write today’s blog about a few of the patients that I have been treating, but God really led me to write all of this down and post this today instead. I would encourage you to read more about Dr. Aaron Kelly and Stephanie’s story on their blogs:

www.aaroninkenya.com and